How to Make Your 

RelationSHIP Seaworthy

"Our relationships live in the space between us" 

What we put into the space between ourselves and our partner, will either enriches both our lives, or pollute them.  If we are aware and show respect for the relational space between us, it will makes all the difference to our lives, the lives of our children, if we have any, and the lives of those around us.  A relationship can change us more profoundly than anything else.  It is somehow separate from us, and yet we can influence it, although we cannot know how it will influence us.  

Don't Abandon Ship

When we abandon a relationship because it doesn’t feel good, we’re limiting the possibility to be changed and to grow.  This is not to say that we should stay in hopeless or abusive relationships (and mental or emotional abuse may be just as damaging as physical) but, if a relationship isn’t utterly hopeless or abusive, then, however tough, it can be wonderfully transformative.  

So how do we allow our relationships to transform us?  One of the metaphors we use in Licence to Love is that we build, in the space between us, our relationSHIP.  Our job is to ensure it is seaworthy, make it an enjoyable place to be, and steer it carefully, so that it does not hit icebergs that could sink it.  So let's imagine our relationSHIP:

Build a Sound Hull of Friendship 

It may be a cliche that happy, stable relationships are built on friendship, but it is also scientifically proven that the love that lasts for a lifetime is routed in deeply fulfilling friendship. How do we build this kind of friendship?  By becoming fascinated with our partner's inner and outer worlds, by asking open questions about their lives, opinions and dreams, and then remembering the answers, so that, over time we build up a rich image of what it is like to be them.  Equipped with this depth of friendship, we can more easily empathise when they are suffering and know what to do to make them feel loved (for example, check out Dr Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages).  

Strengthen Your Affection and Respect 

A sound hull also requires us to respect our partner and feel affection for them.  How do we do this, if we're not feeling it right now?  Research shows that when we act in affectionate ways, we begin to feel affectionate.  Try it for yourself and find out if it's true for you.  It might help to begin by writing a list of your partner's qualities that are admirable.  If you are struggling to think of many, imagine what his or her best friend or a loving parent might say.  Begin to strengthen the respect you have for your partner by noticing and expressing admiration every time you see these qualities. 

It's Good To Be Aboard

Once you have a sound hull you will notice that your feelings towards your partner are generally more positive than negative.  This has been termed the "positive perspective" by Drs John and Julie Gottman, the world's leading experts on what makes relationships work.  If, on balance, you look at your relationship and feel negative, go back to working on your friendship, respect and affection, until you feel on balance that your relationship is positive.  Whilst this may take time and effort, you will be rewarded with a lifetime or love and respect.

Of course, no matter how sound the hull is or how positive you feel about being on board, your relationSHIP is going nowhere without mast and sails, a fair wind, and a heading.  These things are metaphors for the wide range of skills we teach through our coaching programmes and unique, personalised relationship plans.  

Whether you're single or in a relationship, and whether things are pretty awful, or generally good and you'd like them to be even better, the research about what happy and successful couples do can help you have a relationship that's truly amazing.  Ask yourself:

Our programmes and one-to-one coaching sessions can:

* help you build a sound relationSHIP

* show you how to avoid the four icebergs.

* equip you with the skill of responsive awareness.

* teach you how to raise difficult subjects skillfully

* transform your ability to understand what's underneath the conflict

* help you wipe the slate clean

* give you the insight to overcome things that hold you back from the relationship you long for

* help you support your children to have great relationships

* give you confidence meeting new people

* help you find the love you are looking for

* strengthen your relationship

* prepare you for marriage or a long-term commitment.

* help you work on other relationship challenges.

Cathy@Licence2Love.com

Cathy Garner has 12 years' coaching experience and has been studying the art and science of love and communication for more than 10 years.  She draws on four decades of research and wisdom from around the globe and offers practical and inspirational coaching that makes a real difference. 

Gain Partnership Skills 

Avoid the Icebergs 

Turn Conflict Around 

Find Love 

Make Romance Last 

Licence to Love is grounded in the latest evidence from four decades of studies on thousands of happy couples, learning what really helps build lasting love.

Our programmes look at the whole range of partnership skills we need to build a strong and happy relationship - by far the best investment you will ever make in your lifelong happiness.

Coaching sessions give you a chance to talk about what you want in complete confidence, with someone who can bring new perspectives to your situation.

"Since our coaching sessions, I am finding more enduring fulfilment, with a calmer state of mind."

“[Cathy's coaching] provided me with extremely valuable guidance.”

“You enabled me to learn more about myself and identify potential opportunities for greater success”.

“Your different perspective often sees things much more clearly and simply than they appear from the inside.” 

“You helped me find that little place of calm that I didn’t even know existed”